Save Me From My Children

Y’all, I love my children. I really do. But, sometimes I really wonder about them. Tonight, we had a moment that surpassed the dancing on the toilet moment. For those of you who weren’t around 3 years ago, Gabe had a night where every little bit of sense fled his mind and he started dancing on the toilet and singing “dancing on the toilet is a great idea”.

Yeah, the Cruz boys, specifically Gabe, lost their shit again tonight. Gabe stayed home from school today because he had a horrible sounding cough. But, by late afternoon, he was feeling better and he started bouncing off the walls. Shortly before his bed time, Gabe decided it was time to go streaking through the house. He pulled his pants down and went running in circles. The longer he ran, the more he giggled. Then the giggling got interrupted by him shaking his butt at Joey…because he loves to make his brother shriek. Truly, that didn’t really phase me. He’s a 6 year old boy. They seem to have a fascination with nudity at that age. But, I finally had to call a halt to those shenanigans because he was just getting too wild. I sent him to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

I should have known better.

I heard a few bangs and crashes while he was in there. Sadly, all noises that are quite normal when Gabe heads into the bathroom. Then, he comes strolling out with a shit eating grin. He looked at me and said, “I was drinking from the toilet.” Without a question, I could tell he was telling the truth.

What the hell was he thinking. No one dared him. No one put the idea in his head. I guess he did it because the idea simply floated across his brain. I do have to admit I was torn between laughing my ass off and being totally repulsed. I sent him in to brush his teeth and the thought of having him gargle with hydrogen peroxide crossed my mind. Unfortunately, that tooth brushing didn’t take because Joey heard what was going on, took off into the bathroom, and yelled “Do it again Gabe!” I heard the toilet seat go up and it was headdesk time.

While I was making Gabe brush his teeth for a second and a third and a fourth time, I called Vic at work to tell him. By the time I got through the story, I was laughing so hard I was crying because of the sheer absurdity of it all. I couldn’t even answer Vic when he said “He did WHAT?” First, it was dancing on the toilet. Then, it is drinking from the toilet. I’m almost afraid to see what he comes up with next.

Clearly, I’m going to have to work hard to occupy his time this summer. Anyone have any suggestions?

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