The Gnome in the Closet

Y’all, this really happened. An honest to goodness case of truth is stranger than fiction.

I have a good friend who works as a nurse and she works a typical nurses schedule. This lovely lady also has an autistic son. Her son is older and, although he is severely autistic, functions on a high enough level that he can be left alone during the day but she typically calls several times a day to check on him. This system has worked well for them for quite a while. No problems or issues until recently.

A few days ago, A called home to check on her son, C. She asked C how things were going. C said “Everything is fine. I’m just feeding Skittles to the gnome in my closet.” Well, this statement was strange enough that A’s mommy radar started shrieking “danger, danger, danger.” Luckily, A has understanding bosses and she was able to leave work to go check on C.

When A got home, she found a dwarf Census Taker locked in her son’s closet. Yes folks, a real live little person was the gnome in the closet. See, when the Census Taker knocked on the door and C answered, his saw the little person and his brain processed this as “OMG, a Gnome came to visit.” So, C grabbed a blanket, threw it over the poor census taker, bundled him up, and shoved him in the closet. Then, C shoved a chair under the handle because everyone knows that’s how you keep gnomes from escaping. C spent the time from then until his mom got home slipping Skittles to the gnome he so luckily capture. Some one was looking after C and his mom because the gnome dwarf census taker didn’t even call the police.

Honestly, my heart goes out to the poor man…but, that doesn’t stop me from totally losing my shit every single time I tell the story. I guess I’m just warped that way. The first few times I told the story, I made it to the point when A got home and started laughing so hard I couldn’t even talk. Seriously, I had tears streaming down my face and was just screaming with laughter.

So, every time you hear a story that makes you shake your head at the sheer fucknuttery of the situation, every time you hear a story that you just swear can’t be true, remember the gnome in the closet! Truth is stranger than fiction y’all.

28 Responses to The Gnome in the Closet
  1. Sheliza
    March 30, 2010 | 11:11 am

    omg!! Craziness! What a story, can’t say I ever heard anything like that before! What a nice man for not calling the police.

  2. areyoukiddingme
    March 30, 2010 | 11:11 am

    I know it’s not PC, and I feel a little bad for the census taker, but how hilarious! If I were telling that story, I would be crying!

  3. Samantha
    March 30, 2010 | 11:14 am

    Hahaha I needed this! I’m glad everyone made it through ok!

  4. T Lee
    March 30, 2010 | 11:14 am

    It’s completely not PC, and I’m sooo going to hell for it, but that is the funniest shit I have heard in a loooooong time. I’m absolutely crying right now. And thank goodness the little person was so awesome about it! It could’ve been really bad… but omg, too funny…

  5. ..Soo.See..
    March 30, 2010 | 11:16 am

    How Crazy! I couldn’t help but laugh either!! Glad everyone is alright, but just incredible!

  6. battynurse
    March 30, 2010 | 11:21 am

    Oh my God. How freaking funny. Not so for the gnome I know but wow. And what a nice guy for not calling the police although I’m guessing that now he’s gotten past the fear of being tossed in a closet he’s probably getting some laughs out of this as well. One of those “you’ll never believe what happened to me” kind of stories that float around work places.

  7. Another Dreamer
    March 30, 2010 | 11:24 am

    Sweet word, that is nuts! That poor census taker, what a day- imagine the story he has from this! And since everyone is okay, I think it’s okay that I chuckled a bit… right?

  8. Lavender Luz
    March 30, 2010 | 11:32 am

    I know I shouldn’t be chuckling, but…

  9. Alex
    March 30, 2010 | 11:55 am

    OK, I’m dying of laughter! I swear to you this happened – I just heard last week of a similar story, except it was an adult mentally handicapped guy who lived on his own, and the guy called his mom who checked on him occasionally. He told his mom that he caught a troll, and she needed to come over right away. But mom didn’t believe him, so she didn’t come over until the NEXT DAY! Finally she came over and discovered the troll was a little person Jehovah’s Witness!!! It’s like an epidemic… LMAO!!!!

  10. Kymberli
    March 30, 2010 | 11:57 am

    dude, seriously? that’s too damn rich. 🙂

  11. Suzy
    March 30, 2010 | 12:33 pm

    Holy Crap!!! Truth really is stranger than fiction!

  12. Nic
    March 30, 2010 | 12:46 pm

    OMG!! That is so fucking funny!! Poor man, so nice of him not call the police though

  13. Mrs. Gamgee
    March 30, 2010 | 9:39 pm

    Oh, hon… I soooooo needed this laugh! I’m so glad that the Census Taker had a sense of humour!

  14. Nina
    March 30, 2010 | 9:54 pm

    See, I heard this story this week, too. A guy I used to work with said that a woman he worked with had this happen to her. I never laughed so hard! Then, when I got home, I posted it on my husband’s forum site, and they said that this story’s been going around the website forever, but the site just said that it was possibe, yet highly improbable, not that it had been disproved. I thought he was just embellishing, but apparently, he knows your friend! He’s a travel nurse.

  15. Carrie27
    March 30, 2010 | 11:08 pm

    Bwahaha! How many times did you have to stop typing so you could see through the tears of laughter.

  16. T Lee
    March 31, 2010 | 12:41 pm

    So I’ve been stewing over this for a day or two, and I just need to know… Did he eat the skittles?

  17. Jericho
    March 31, 2010 | 1:20 pm

    Ha ha ha! I laughed so hard that I cried and had to take a ten minute break away from the computer! Wow! Thanks for sharing, no matter how ridiculous that is, it sure brightened my day!!

  18. Beautiful Mess
    March 31, 2010 | 1:48 pm

    OMG! I can barley type, I’m laughing so hard! AHAHAHAHA!!!

  19. Beautiful Mess
    March 31, 2010 | 1:49 pm

    OMG! I can barley type, I’m laughing so hard! AHAHAHAHA!!!

  20. Stacie
    March 31, 2010 | 4:35 pm

    That is an awesome story! I feel bad for the census taker, too, but OMG. I am laughing out loud at this. Too funny!

  21. Lindsay
    April 2, 2010 | 6:50 pm

    I know it’s not PC but my sides ache from laughing so hard!!!!!!

  22. MrsSpock
    April 5, 2010 | 9:14 pm

    OMG! That poor man!

  23. Claire
    April 9, 2010 | 2:27 pm

    Ok.. Ok.. OKAY!! I’m shaking my head & my face hunts.. hang on while I attempt to regain composure.
    #1- I re read the first 2 paragraphs 3 times just because every time I died a little with “NO HE DIDNT!!”
    No one got hurt.. it’s hilarious.. I only feel SLIGHTLY bad about laughing..but not bad enough that I will not be refering this post to everyone I possbly know.
    OMFG.. I am officially your newest stalker!!

  24. Claire
    April 9, 2010 | 3:31 pm

    OK.. so if you get a million hits on this today..its from me. I am forcing everyone to read this so I can laugh with them..I keep finding myself randomly chuckling about it, like, while rocking my kids..I just think of it..then the door handle..the’s all to perfect!
    Thanks for sharing this with me!!

  25. Anonymous
    April 9, 2010 | 7:07 pm

    What state did this occur in??? I have heard a very similiar story!

  26. jeangnome
    April 13, 2010 | 5:50 pm

    There are several versions of this story online. I seriously doubt that it’s true. But, I must say this one is the funniest of all the ones I found!

  27. Anonymous
    June 13, 2010 | 9:27 am

    This is fake, shocker. I’ve heard/read this about 5 times now. good try.

  28. sell house fast
    September 27, 2011 | 2:36 am

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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