Can I tell you a secret?

Can I tell you a secret? Something that makes me a little ashamed to admit. I’m worried about when my husband finally has his gastric bypass surgery. And, it’s not the normal reason for worrying when facing a major surgery. I mean, sure, I’m concerned something could go wrong. That’s always a possibility…and, let’s face it, the medical odds haven’t always been kind to us. It’s a known risk. It’s a known risk though and the potential health benefits far outweigh the risks. After all, I love my husband and want him around as long as possible.

No, my worry, my fear is far more petty. I’m worried that my husband could end up weighing less than me. I know, I know, pretty petty shit to worry about when the surgery could very well extend the life of the man I love but, the fear is there and I can’t play ostrich and stick my head in the ground and ignore it.

Now, logically, I know Vic will love me no matter what I weigh. That has NEVER been an issue in our relationship. But, as I’ve gained weight over the years, it’s always been kind of comforting to still feel smaller and more feminine next to my husband. I know myself well enough to know that being around a skinny man would make me more self conscious about my weight.  I also know that even after Vic loses all his weight, he will not be a small or skinny man. He just isn’t built that way. But, the fear still lingers.

What if I end up weighing more than him?

What will people think about that?

How will it make me feel?

How will it make him feel?

I know none of this is logical. I know without a doubt that our relationship will last. Hell, we’ve already been through shit that would tear many couples apart and we’re still going strong. So tell me my friends, how do I get past this stupid petty fear of mine? It makes me feel so shallow to even entertain this fear.

13 Responses to Can I tell you a secret?
  1. Jjiraffe
    September 10, 2012 | 1:08 am

    I totally understand this fear. Darcy lost about 20 pounds recently and was getting a lot of positive attention. At first my reaction was: “Get AWAY from my man!” I eventually got used to it and now I’m like, “That’s right, I get to take him home. Be jealous!” 🙂
    Jjiraffe recently posted..Fall Is HereMy Profile

    • Kristin
      September 10, 2012 | 1:16 pm

      Thanks Jjiraffe. I’m sure I’ll get to that point. It just sucks feeling like this for now.
      Kristin recently posted..Can I tell you a secret?My Profile

  2. StacieT
    September 10, 2012 | 1:41 am

    Oh, K. This isn’t stupid and petty–we all have these kinds of fears. It’s scary to see the people you love make big changes to themselves or their lives. (even when they are positive changes) My guess is that once you see that Vic is still the amazing man he is now and LOVES you just as much if not more than he did before the surgery, it won’t matter and your confidence will return. Many hugs to you.
    StacieT recently posted..Bye, Bye CurlsMy Profile

    • Kristin
      September 10, 2012 | 1:18 pm

      Thanks Stacie…it helps to hear from someone else that this isn’t stupid and petty.
      Kristin recently posted..Can I tell you a secret?My Profile

  3. Battynurse
    September 10, 2012 | 1:56 am

    I don’t know how to get past it but I do understand. I still spend way more time than I want to dwelling on my weight and all things associated to it and comparing myself etc. in some ways it seems the scared fat girl never really goes away.

  4. manapan
    September 10, 2012 | 2:39 am

    Even if he does end up weighing less than you do, you will still be the same ***fabulous*** person you are! Just with a healthier husband who will be by your side for longer.

  5. Justine
    September 10, 2012 | 8:25 pm

    Oh, Kristin. I completely understand … and I don’t think it’s shallow. Your husband loves the beautiful person he married and who has been at his side through the years … the you that you are right now. His weight, and yours, is not going to change that. I wish I could say that it’s easy to dismiss the doubts and insecurities you’re feeling, but I know full well that it’s not. In your heart, you have to be truly happy with the (fabulous!) person you are … that’s the only thing that can make it go away. And that’s something I work on every day. I’m a work in progress. 😉

    I do like the comment about having a healthier husband who will be at your side for even longer, as a result of the surgery! 🙂
    Justine recently posted..RawMy Profile

  6. Lori Lavender Luz
    September 10, 2012 | 8:46 pm

    I think just being aware that you feel this way is a good first step toward releasing the emotion.

    Good luck to Vic…and to you! You’ll probably work your butt off waiting on him during his recovery 🙂
    Lori Lavender Luz recently posted..Vote 2012: Before we talk Obama vs Romney, let’s explore our core beliefsMy Profile

  7. Esperanza
    September 10, 2012 | 10:59 pm

    I think Lori is right, realizing you feel this way is an important first step. Now you need to accept that it’s not petty or shallow to feel this way at all. You need to validate these feelings because they are real and very understandable.

    It IS hard when people we love change, even if those changes are for the better. We have systems in place, there is a general order to things, and when that shifts it’s hard to find your footing. But you WILL find it again, even if it takes some time. Just be kind and patient to yourself, and to your man, while you get there.

  8. Jen Goode
    September 11, 2012 | 12:55 am

    I think admitting you feel this way takes some serious bravery, being willing to write it down and share it with the world means you’re a step closer to overcoming it… good for you for letting it out so you can let it go!

  9. Lynn
    September 11, 2012 | 9:24 pm

    Oh, honey! Serious, serious hugs I’m sending your way!

    I completely understand this fear. I hate the fact that I weigh a little more than my hubby (only about 10 lbs, but still…). He’s also taller than me, so it makes the weight more noticeable. I hate it. But, I know that he doesn’t notice it. He loves me.

    And I know Vic loves you. No doubt about that!

    So….what if you wind up weighing more than him? My first thought is that it doesn’t matter at all if you do. But, if it makes you feel bad, then that matters. Not the weight, but how it makes you feel. I still think you are absolutely one of the most fabulous people I know, no matter what you weigh! Simply more awesomeness =D

    What will people think about that? Who cares what they think! People are always, always, always going to find something to criticize others about. They just are. And those people who mean anything to you and who care about you won’t give a fig if you weigh more than your hubby. They still just love you!

    How will it make you feel? I’m not sure. I think that will really depend on how you decide to meet it. If you decide that it’s just a thing, I think you’ll be fine with it. However, I more than anyone, know that isn’t always possible to do. However you feel, though, I can promise I’ll always be here to listen and send love your way!

    How will it make him feel? I think he’s probably just going to want to make you okay with it. He’s not going to want you to be upset and he’s going to do anything he can to make sure you still feel loved and treasured.

    Blogs aren’t about being logical. Blogs are places for our neuroses to glare. They’re places for our friends to come along and reassure us that we’re the most awesome babes around! Hope you know I think you are and will do whatever I can to support you!

    Best wishes to Vic on his surgery and massive hugs to you!
    Lynn recently posted..Shadows of Fear, Shouts of FreedomMy Profile

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